My heart is only beating for you

Lately ive been pretty blah,
They put me on celexa which had seemed to set me back
So I started cutting again, they then took me off celexa-as of today-
I am now being put on lithium :(
They said I am ' bipolar 2 '
Sad face

I really miss Leif lately
Like it's hard to describe
My heart hurts
It's hard to fall asleep
I know he's ' the one' but it's so hard
Not being able to see the love of my life
Everyday, it's hard.

I want to move out of my house so bad
I can't really stand it anymore


I just wish everything was different
I haven't had friends since I went to court for being raped
I feel so alone all the time
With no one to talk to
My own age...
No motivation
For
Anything
...

It hurts so good

I miss you so much
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
It's harder and harder every night
To be without you
For so long
Is to be missing my stronger half
My half that keeps me sane
That keeps me strong
I miss you so much
I hate not seeing you every day
I hate not being with you
I miss you

I'm tired of crying
I just miss you
So much
I have so much going on
And so do you
It's hard to find time to talk
I miss you...

Family

My family is dysfunctional
Screaming
Yelling
Hitting
It never ends

I'm beginning to thunk its too much
I cant handle it anymore
I need out of this house

My silver secret has come out more and more
I cant seem to do anything right
My life is a living hell


I just want out.
I have no friends out here
I have no one to talk to
I'm completely alone


It sucks.

again.

I did it again
This time I thought about it
I tried to talk to people
I called Leif
I can't call Ariel because my mom took my phone
I used my silver secret
I watched it run from red to black
I felt it as it cut little lines into leifs heart
I felt every tear drop as one that no one could catch
I felt it
I felt the burn
The pain
The blood
I felt the pain in Leif from so far
I feel the ache of a breaking heart
I see the stain on my once blue now purple bracelet

I could see the look in camerons eyes as she saw me
But not the look o being scared or frightened
The look I had
When I first discovered it, the look of relief, The look of problems solved

I feel the burn on my legs and wrists
I feel the pain in leifs eyes
I feel like with every line
It's the stab in the back of someone

I need help
I need out
I
Can't
Stand
This
House

It's killing me