blog number 75

I just love not sleeping
all night long
my brain was like
"Slenderman, Babies, Leif, Shayne, death, NO SLEEPING"
boo..
Fell asleep at 4:30 woke up at 7:30
Worked on homework until 9
Made bread from scratch
Wrote a few poems,

I wrote this one a while ago,
But I feel as though it pertains to life as of right now.

The Memories

The pain

The Tears

The Laughs

The lies.

Everything goes forgotten

Trapped in a box just like everything else

Not allowed to be let out

For the immense pain it will cause

Could Kill

You were my friend
My everything
My life
and now you are gone

They say to just forget it
But they dont understand
the pain of losing you is greater than emotion
but now its trapped in a box
and left to be forgotten

Alone, trapped and scared

So much hurt,

So much loss

Too much to deal

So many ways to vent

But which way is the right way

Which way is the ‘proper’ way

Which way will make it go away

So many years feel wasted

So many years they want me to forget
So many memories and emotions.

So much of life

They want gone.
They want forgotten

The last words

The last thoughts

The last exchange of kind glances

Trapped in a box, Left to be forgotten.

It seems that right now,

Life just sucks,

For A lot of people I know

They just make my problems seem oh so very small,

I'm used to mine, I have adapted,

But to watch someone go through the exact same thing as me,

and me knowing that there is nothing I can do but listen,

Kills me.

They say listening to someone is even greater then help,

Why doesnt it feel like it? haha.

I just have to keep happy,

I have to deal with what I have been handed,

I've never really been immature about it,

But now  I just need to grow up and realize,

I didnt cause this,

I did nothing wrong

Its not my fault,

But its easier,

to say its my fault,

because then I feel like I am in control

When in reality

there isnt a damn thing I can do,

Most of the time thats how it works,

lets say there are two people person A and person B,

 person A is in a situation that they have no control over,

But because they feel so helpless, its easier to put the blame on themself,

therefore giving Person A a sense of control over what is going on,
When in Reality it is Person B making the calls and deciding what is going to happen next.

While Person A may either, Hate or Love Person B, And vice versa, as long as Person B is in control,

Person A just have to keep moving forward, If Person A lets person B hold them back for much longer,

Person A will lose sight, of what their goals are.

^ I have been in that situation, as person A,

It sucks so bad.

Its so painful and heartbreaking,

Its a journey of no understanding and confusion,

and quite frankly,

Bullshit

Tons and TONS of bullshit

I always thought I could fix person B

Sometimes I still think that I can.

but to think about it as a sane person,

It's completely out of my hands now.

All I want to do is to be able to help people,

witout being able to help people,

my life would be pointless...

<3