Missing you.

I miss Leif, nothing new, just thought I would let you know. It seems like the closer it gets to the time when I will be with him all the time, the harder it gets.When i'm with him everything feels right, it feels like nothing in the world could bother me, nothing can go wrong. I miss him so much... Our three years is on the 19th, hes not sure if he can come down.. :(

I used to have the most positive outlook on EVERYTHING. I realize now it was just me being ignorant to everything around me. That when something is not ok, it's not ok. That it is ok to be angry and sad, that it is normal. I used to think that I had to be happy for everyone, that I couldnt be any other emotion but happy. If Leif was mad, or sad, I was happy to make sure I could help him. When Shayne was sad, outraged, pretty much going crazy, even when he would raise his voice just because he was upset I had to be happy, the voice of reason. But I realized I couldnt do that anymore and having emotions overwhelmed me. I cry way to much now, When I get mad, I get mad. I don't have that happy medium because I dont know what that is. I'm working on it..

I don't really talk to people anymore, haha. I'm a loner. Just Leif and Family. Leif is my connection to the outside world! I have to work on that. Cant be a loner forever.
I just miss friends.

I am content for now.
I am happy
I am sad
I am mad
I am content,
with everything..