underneath her smile

I'm pretty sure at one point we all wanted a new start,
I wish almost every second, of everyday that I could start over.
I know exactly what I would do differently,
But you know what,
you don't get do overs,
And you very rarely get second chances.

"My name is life,
I am easy,
hard
frustrating
and kind,
I am what you get to live with."

Oh hey there life,
Please change.
thanks.

What I am feeling right now,
Is frustrated,
ignored
Abandoned,
all covered up in a layer of happiness.

I just give up.
I cant be nice all the time anymore
Its draining.
Really it is.
I cant take it.
I cant take people walking all over me.

I want to lay in bed all day,
I don't want to eat
or drink any thing
I don't want to see anyone
or do anything
I don't really know how to explain all of this...
I just want to lay in bed, and get all pale.


My changing of clothes is 20x worse.
I don't know what it is about light switches but I've started up with those.
I've been so mood swingy, and its pissing me off.
I don't want to talk to anyone,
I make myself, So I don't isolate myself..
I don't want to disappoint anyone,
yet I feel like I already have.

Do you ever feel like you annoy everyone you talk to?
Current state of mind..
I feel like I need to cry for weeks on end, but nothing happens.

I've been told I don't deserve friends?
Maybe true, Maybe false.
I don't think anyone deserves to go through what I put people though..
Maybe she was right?
Worthless.

I just want to be that person that people look up to,
what a joke.
I don't know anymore..
...