Stop the yelling already!

ugh,

So all my mom knows how to do is yell.

its like, uh hello could you please talk like a civil human being?

no, oh, ok. im just going to go upstairs then,

If you have ever been in my room you know its not that big,

and when its a mess like how it is currentlly,

its very

very

small.

I hate small places, Just like the court room,

A tiny little cube.

djksjfsdhfsd booooo.

I dont like writing these recently,

they are getting so..

personal..and detailed.

its like,

oh hey, want to know me?

read my blog it has almost everything you need to know!
haha,

but at the same time its so impersonal..

people always ask me the same few questions,

Why i look so happy,

Why I dont get bothered easily,

How come I dont get angry,

and the biggest one,

Doesnt it bother you he wasnt found not guilty?

Most of the time I lie

I am happy,

people dont bother me,

Im not an angry person,

and

No, Why should it?

Im such a good liar to people I dont like <3

honestly,

I am not happy most of the time I dont even know what I feel,

People piss me off so, so much.

I get angry so easy, at least recently, that I dont think, and it scares me..

And,

uh, no, you know what i'm completly fine with it, it meant nothing to me,

ARE YOU DUMB?

of course it does you ass-wipe,

Leave me alone.

College is seriously stressing me out,

No, not college, The money.

My dad wont stop, my mom is mental,

and I am going crazy..

I am going to get no help with paying for it unless a surpise letter comes in the mail full of money,

I am so far going to a junior college,

Kill me?

thanks.

So I, just like bond have been sick the past 3 days with a temp of 101 or higher,

Yet,

Im still working out,

and I can Barely sleep.

My wrist, and leg hurt like a mother,

and I just want to lay in bed and cry ALL day.

school is slipping through my fingers,

and im starting to give up.

its like, what is there left?

Its so hard to think about college,

when I have pay for everything myself,

haha

I cant even afford to put down the housing application fee right now,

ha..

but who am i to complain, some people have it so much worse...

my nightmares recently are horrible...

I cant sleep at all...

they keep me up

I sleep for a hour,

I wake up for 5...

it sucks..

they are horrible...

Recently,

I just feel dead,

what does that mean you ask?

Im empty walking,

soulless,

emotionless,

I could care less what happens to me

thats what dead means,

its means im not living.

I miss Leif,

and

I miss Shayne

right now they are my reason for living haha.

Hard to explain..

I dont think they will every fully know,

how much they really do for me...

I mean sometimes, well most of the time my brain is like

"ah WOMAN, leave Shayne and Leif Aloneeeee, you are annoying the crap out of them, You know what everyone says, if you get to close you'll just push them away,

dont push them away, but just remember, you cant rely on them,

because they are just going to leave,

you cant put all the pressure on them"

Oh, I love my brain.

it makes me so happy,

aha

Right now,

I just want to be

Happy