Reaction time

I reacted before I thought and now i feel stupid.
Better.
but stupid
very
very
stupid.

I dont want to live here.
I need to get out of here.
I cant stay here.

I am so stupid..
It would kill my dad.
I feel so stupid.

I let people down.
I hurt people.
Why, did i react like that.
so long, SO LONG, has passed and i have been able to keep myself.
And,
I lost it.

I got so mad
so overwhelmed.
So.
angry.
and frustrated.
it seemed like the only way.
I imploded.
and then exploded.

I cant take my mom yelling at me anymore
If she wasnt going to set any rules,
i was,
she didnt like them, I DONT CARE.
Stanley is a little shit.
"hes 4 he doesnt know any better"
Fuck that, yeah he does,

Im so mad,

"you're not the parent, you not listening to me means i'm not doing good enough"

If i'm not the parent someone has to be, because quite frankly, you are biased.
and you make me angry,
very
angry.

Ugh,
I am so pissed right now,
I mean i feel better.
I called one of those numbers,
and talked to them, I texted Ariel,
I feel better,

I am just
so
fucking
mad.