52 days later.

Not Guilty

52 days later.
And it finally hits me,
I mean when i found it out
i was shocked
but now
Im devastated.
it's not fair
its not right
its not moral
His life should be a living hell.
He should be the one with no friends
the one with no support.

'dont let him control your life'
blah
blah
blah
No one, is going to understand how I feel right now,
No one is going to make me feel better
No one is going to make it go away,
And you know what,
I dont make this my entire Life, and my life does not revolve around this.
So, it happens every so often where i think about it
and when I talk about it to people its just so
FUCKING frustrating, because:
A.) They arent listening
B.) They have their mind set on what they think about it
C.) They assume that this is all I ever think about, and that my life revolves around it.
and
D.) They are not in my shoes, they never will be, and they dont understand how I am feeling.

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Ugh..

52 days later,
and it just now hits me,
why?
who the hell knows,
maybe because im super stressed
maybe because my parents wont stop fighting
Maybe because I feel alone because I have no friends out here to lean on
Granted, I have Leifs family.
But i want a friend,
Just one.
One friend out here.
...Just, one.

My head hurts, My body hurts, Im sick.
Right now I just want to give in to it,
just give in,
but then i will feel better,
but the i will just feel stupid..

Right now,
I want to be home.
I want to be with Leif,
I want to be with friends
I want to understand why
THIS ISNT FAIR
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I havent felt like this in a very long time
Im so mad,
Im so upset
Im so sad
Im so overwhelmed.
Im tired of being treated different
Im tired of being talked down to,
Im tired of people telling me how I should feel.
52 days and it sinks in..

right now,
Im hurting people who dont deserve it,
maybe im over reacting?
Maybe, I shouldnt care,
Maybe I should just move on,
But I cant.
And people dont understand that,
its hard,
'we know its hard, but its over now you cant let it control your life'
^ Fuck. You.

No, you dont know its hard,
you dont know how it feels
you dont know,
you dont know
you dont know...

I feel responsible, nothing you say will change that, nothing you do will change that, nothing you feel will change that.

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Its not fair...
why
why
why
why
why
...
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