If I didn't use my legs, I would be dead. It's impossible to feel comfortable or safe in my house when all it is, is anger. Mom and Dad are constantly fighting, I know I could just leave and go to Leifs house, but thats not fair to Cameron or Bond.. I am scared to leave them in the fall because I take most of the downfall off of them, they think I just like to talk back but sometimes our parents go to far, and im just used to it so I devert the problem to me. The constant anxiety attacks are getting worse and worse and more frequent, they are starting to hurt. I just dont understand how my parents think its ok for us to know about the money problems, the supposive gambling problem, and a shopaholic.. The older you get in this house the more corrupt you realize it is. The more you realize the severity of the situation..
Today was the last straw.. and everyone felt it.. We all called out mom for being the reason we dont bring friends over, she said "you said you dont have friends". She called out my dad saying they dont have a relationship anymore and that nobodys problems would be fixed until her told her what was going on, She then proceeded to say "fuck you" and then run up the stairs instead of staying and trying to fix everything like WE were, as in the KIDS. They dont understand what the yelling all the time does to us. The constant "you're not doing that right, you only did a half ass job, do this, do that" Its never, 'thanks the house looks nice, thanks for trying" Its always what we didnt do right and how we could do better.
After that blowup I dont think anyone will be fine for a while. My dad is running around like a chicken with his head cut off trying to check on anyone, Mom is slamming everything and everyone else is in there room crying, and all Im thinking was, why did I say that... I'm the reason for the last straw..This house feels like hell, and I feel like I'm ready for heaven.
